Watch out! It's a ZOMBIE!

DISCLAIMER: The following post was written by an extremely tired person with a lack of coffee.


Today... today today. ODE TO TODAY I say.

(see why I put in a disclaimer?)

I'm going to be honest and state a fact: Today was a very very unproductive day. I know I don't have a job and so taking a 'personal' day is a bit redundant, but you know what? I took a personal day. The only thing I got done today was to get some of my newer photos edited, and by some, I mean three. I also did some research in to more... eccentric means of making money. No, I'm not thinking of standing on the corner of 'Desperate' and 'Measures' just yet, but I was looking in to odd ways to make extra money.

By far the most eyebrow raising I read about are as follows;

1. Dog Sniffer.
That's right.. a dog sniffer. There is actually a job out there that requires you to sniff dogs weekly and evaluate their breath and grade it from a zero to a ten and then catagorize it as either sweaty, salty, musty, fungal or decaying. The reason they do this is to evaluate the effect of a dog's diet on their teeth.
Would I do this to make money? No. I have to smell my own dog's breath enough as it is, and believe me, it isn't willingly.

2. Ostrich Babysitter
Yep... an Ostrich babysitter. Job description is pretty much exactly what the job title is. The person sits around with a bunch of Ostriches and ensures they do not peck each others eyes out, partake in varying acts of sibling rivalry, and to make sure that late night Ostrich hijackers do not make off with their feathered friends. Sounds like a pretty exciting job to me... *cough*
Would I do this to make money? Perhaps, if the job came with hazard pay. What about MY eyes getting pecked out?!

3. Island Caretaker
This one made me perk up, that's for sure... An Island Caretaker takes care of Islands. Duh right? But listen, this is serious 'bidnizz' here guys. It's a very demanding and dangerous job (sun tans demand hazard pay right?!). You have to explore new Islands to find out what they have to offer would be buyers, however if an Island already has an owner, they would hire one of these rugged types to take care of their property and the buildings on said Island. One must be smart in... well, staying alive, a bit of carpentry, gardening etc. The pay is $$$ and of course, you get to live on an Island.
Would I do this to make money? Does a chicken have lips?! Wait... Yes, I would do this, but only if the Island in question was somewhere with ridiculously blue/green water and white sandy beaches.

4. Crime Scene Cleaner
So, here is your life... you had big dreams of becoming a detective for a big city police force. You were going to be first on the scene to a crime, investigate, follow up on leads and eventually apprehend the bad guy and get your face on the front page of the local paper right? Wrong. That didn't work so you settled for being a beat cop am I right? Wrong again! Ok, ok so the detective and the beat cop thing didn't pan out so you decided to become a police force dispatcher, but oh cuuuuurrrssssesss, foiled AGAIN! You didn't have the tone of voice for the job! Do not worry! You could always become a Crime Scene Cleaner and still get in on some of that crime scene action. Unfortunately for you, you get to go in and deal with all the nasty for absolutely zero recognition and very small pay. Sorry, please try again.
Would I do this to make money? Uhhh no. I would have stopped at beat cop and re-rolled my career.

5. Organ Procurer
Remind anyone of the movie 'Repo Men'? Great movie but I don't think I like the concept of this in reality. I know it SEEMS like they innocently go to hospitals and take organs from deceased people that actually signed up to give their organs away, and I am not a conspiracy theorist by any means, but... you never know. What if repo men exist? What if aliens have hired them to go around taking our organs and sending them up in light beams to... I've said too much. *shifts eyes*
Would I do this to make money? I have the heebies just thinking about it, not to mention this would happen...
'Hey nice to meet you, what do you do for a living?'
'Oh, you know, I collect people's organs after they die and transport them around the country.
Doesn't really sound like an introduction that would cultivate a lot of friends.

So I guess, judging by those jobs, I should keep looking in the normal range of jobs. I did however see a help wanted ad for a professional sleeper. I would have applied as it seems like an absolute dream job (see what I did thurr?) but, judging by the fact I haven't really slept in two days, professional sleeping isn't really something I would be very productive at. I would probably wind up getting laid (did it again...) off of that job as well!

Dawn: When men of reason go to bed. ~Ambrose Bierce

Off to update Lucid Muse and peek in on my DeviantArt and then maybe sleep? Maybe...

Until next time, keep it classy!

Thank you for reading,

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